Twisted Hilarity - yaoi fiction

Tacitus groaned under his breath, pressing with his hips to push his cock along the sweat slicked bottom of his partner. His tongue darted out to lave salty moisture from the pale skin underneath him, and he felt the young man shiver. It made what was truly an exceptionally fine ass shimmy against his cock and he groaned again. The boy was so precious it was almost painful to look at him. Smooth skinned, finely muscled, eager with a little touch of modesty, and just drunk enough to go along with whatever Tacitus suggested.

He was everything Tacitus liked in a one-night stand.

Really, nights like this were the reason beer had been invented. He should know; he’d met the inventor of the damn stuff. That man had been hornier than a goat on Viagra.   Pretty good in the sack, too, as he recalled…but nowhere near as sweet as this delicious little thing.

Nuzzling his partner’s back, Tacitus settled his cock into the cleft of his sweetheart’s backside. Round muscles clenched, gripping his shaft between the downy cheeks. Damn. He loved these early twenties athletes. The bottoms were always so round and firm and plush. You just couldn’t find that kind of gripping power in some little computer lab-tech. With this much arousing flesh surrounding him before he was even inside, it was going to be difficult to take it easy with the little darling, but he’d manage. He always did; he strove to please, after all.

It was impossible to imagine being rough with such a lovely soul, in any case. Sweet, cheerful, trusting, with just a little bit of a quick temper thrown in for interest – his soul positively shone. Tacitus supposed he could have taken him to the family first, seen who might be interested, but the red head was so utterly precious, Tacitus couldn’t resist.

He’d just been stopping by the Halloween party on his way out of town. It was always fun to celebrate when everyone was in costume and he didn’t have to worry that his fangs might emerge and give him away. A quick gulp and a grope, though, that was all he’d wanted, and there the sweetheart had been. A younger brother of one of the frat boys, in his first year in college, he’d pulsed like a spotlight from the moment Tacitus walked in the door. Once Tacitus had seen the speedo-clad bundle of cuteness leaning against a wall, trying to look sophisticated and bored rather than wide-eyed and nervous like he actually was…well, Tacitus was only human.

A bit of him, anyway.

So he’d flashed his smile, let his blue eyes shine a bit, and flipped his black hair over his shoulder with a practiced little twist that usually looked pretty damn hot, if he did say so himself. Having a few hundred years to practice the move definitely helped. And it had worked like a charm. Soft smooth cheeks had flushed and perfect teeth had peeked out from behind rosy, beige lips in a sweet, surprised smile at his attentions. Before much time at all, Tacitus had seduced the slightly inebriated boy out of the party and into the hotel room he still had a couple hours left on.

He’d taken precautions, of course. A quick message left on his nephew’s answering machine should take care of things in case Tacitus had overstayed his welcome in town. He’d call him back if there weren’t any trouble, but if there was, well… He’d ensured the pretty little one had some protection coming. Just in case.

Slim hips pushed back against him and a needy whimper from below snapped his attention back to where it belonged.

“Ahhh. Please, aren’t you going to…?”

Oh, and would you look at that? His little lovely was almost ready now. Tacitus moved his hands from their position on either side of his partner’s body and stroked them down sleek sides.

“Here, sweetheart, up on your knees.” He kept his voice light as he pulled back. Encouraging compliance with soft strokes along quivering flanks, he smiled to himself as the sweet little thing obeyed. With the bright fluorescent bulbs illuminating the room, the lad’s arched back gleamed. Blowing out his breath to keep control, Tacitus gripped the hips in front of him gently. He was almost certain he was the first man to penetrate this sweet, luscious behind, but he wasn’t entirely sure.

Not that it mattered. He liked being gentle almost as much as he liked being someone’s first. It was a bit of a calling, after all these years. The beauty of seeing some young man having their first climax from being taken, that amazed expression of wonder on an innocent, flushed face - it was the most brilliant experience. And for some reason, this particular boy had him more aroused than he’d been in centuries. Maybe it was that smile. He’d been so completely surprised that Tacitus had come onto him. Perhaps he hadn’t come out of the closet?

For whatever reason, the look in his eye, the curve of his ass, the delicious shimmer of his soul, he was bringing Tacitus’ blood to a boil right now. He was going to feel…fantastic. And then he’d be given to someone within the family. It would be safer that way, keep him out of the paths of those blond menaces scouting the area. It was a bit surprising they hadn’t discovered him yet, but perhaps he didn’t go out much. He’d certainly seemed new and untouched at the party. Walking to the hotel, while young men and women had wandered by dressed as goblins and gypsies and pirates, he’d blushed every time someone saw them together and made a comment. Even on a day like today, with scanty costumes galore, a hot young man in a speedo was worth a second glance.

The little one was so adorably sweet it was amazing, he thought, his cock aching and hard. Now if he could just remember his name…

He really would like to ask, but he wasn’t sure that this moment, as the head of his cock pressed against the most velvety soft sheath he’d seen in decades, was the best time to ask. Sweetheart would have to do for now. Tacitus pushed in, making soft, soothing sounds as the darling squirmed, gasping.

“I know, darlin’, I’ll go slow. Trust me.” He paused, reaching underneath to stroke the heavy erection there until his lover’s hips were pulsing against him in time to beautifully needy cries and whimpers. His body slid in slowly, amazing tight heat surrounding him in a soft, breathy sigh. When Tacitus could only see his own tanned groin flush against that perfect set of pale cheeks, he leaned forward until his body draped over the flesh underneath him.

Using his hands, he began to map out every inch of skin. He stroked the shining smoothness of the boy’s sides and caressed the quivering muscles of his stomach with slow, hot fingers. Nibbles assaulted the shaking muscles of broad shoulders until they were soft and pliant. Tacitus painted his sweetheart’s skin with kisses while he waited for the convulsive grip around his member to smooth out. He wanted his lovely to enjoy it, so he’d have to wait until he’d adjusted, just a minute longer.

If he could, that is. He’d been without someone this sweet for far too long. It was surprisingly difficult not to take him hard right now.

“T-Tacitus? I- aaaaah – I’m all right. I w-want to move now.”

Tacitus gulped as dark brown eyes looked back at him. The sweetheart’s lips were bruised as though he’d been biting them. He was SO cute! Tacitus flinched as his fangs shot down and pierced his own lip. That wasn’t good. He wasn’t going to bite the little one. He wasn’t ready for a partner yet, not even someone as deliciously, beautifully sweet and lovely and tight and-

“Tacitus! Please!”

Hips rocked back into him, drawing him deeper into the young man’s body. His breath caught. His eyes began to glow. His hands clenched around the boy’s hips and Tacitus pulled out and slammed into him once, hard. The boy cried out and they both stilled. Control; he had to keep control. Take him gently. Let him feel it all in slow inches, every sense engaged so that the little one’s first time was a beautiful memory. Tacitus stayed on his knees, embedded inside exquisite heat for almost a minute as he let the urge for a hard fuck fade. By the time he finally started to move, his own body was the one quivering madly while he drew his entire cock out before watching its length disappear into the cutest ass he’d seen in…quite possibly ever.

So bright, he thought, watching the mesmerizing shine his partner’s soul gave off as they approached climax. His sweet body was so responsive, erotic little moans merging into frantic cries as Tacitus sped his pace.

“Ohhh, yes, love. That’s it. Such a sweet little backside you have, I- ahhhh.” Tacitus couldn’t stop himself from going faster. He tried. He did! But the boy was so luscious, and his smell was heady. Tacitus’ hand gripped the other man’s erection tight, pumping it frantically as his own climax approached. His partner’s skin was so bright it glowed, his ass so tight it was almost unbearable.

So sweet. He was so sweet. He was so perfect…

On the verge of coming, Tacitus felt his fangs piercing his own lips again. The muscles around his cock clenched down in a rhythm of tight heat so frantic that it set off his own climax too quickly. He howled, biting down on the pale flesh in front of his mouth, his seed pulsing from his cock into the willing, flushed body around him. His teeth slowly withdrew as his whole being shuddered with one last convulsion, still embedded.

He lay on top of him, exhausted, his cheek shifting against the boy’s back. “Amazing. You were just amazing, my little sweetheart. Little darlin’. So…” Tacitus pushed himself off the fluid softness of his partner’s post-climax body, about to nuzzle the nape of his neck, and he saw the small bloody mark beneath his shoulder blade.

Oh. Had he done that?

He licked at his shortened fangs, tasting the salty tang of blood in his own mouth. “Oops.”

Slowly, he withdrew from the boy’s body, letting him settle gently onto the bed on his stomach while Tacitus lay down next to him carefully, petting his short, spiky hair.

“I really shouldn’t have done that,” Tacitus muttered.

The nubile body turned to face him and Tacitus smiled; no matter what had happened, this was always his favorite part, seeing that look afterwards. He stroked his hand over the boy’s chest, skimming his fingertip over a still-erect nipple. Such a lovely expression on his face: sated, flushed, surprised, horrified…

Well, maybe not horrified. It hadn’t been quite that bad, had it? Tacitus thought he’d done fairly well, actually. Hadn’t the little one been moaning for him? He’d definitely climaxed; Tacitus still had the boy’s seed covering his hand. How ungrateful. There really wasn’t any reason…

He heard a small scuff on the carpeted floor behind him. Oh.

He’d waited too long. They’d found him. Damn.

At least he’d taken his lovely first.

“He’s mine already, you know,” he said in a conversational tone without looking around. His delectable sweetheart scrambled up to his knees and huddled near the headboard, pulling a sheet up to hide his body. Poor dear, still modest. That was so completely adorable! He was going to have a tremendous amount of fun teasing him with that, but after he dealt with this shit.

Honestly. The little bastard behind him had no sense of timing at all. And it really pissed him off that he’d been interrupted before he’d gotten to the cuddling. Cuddling with his little darlings was part of the entire experience, and now it was fucked to hell and back. And…and this was the last time he’d have a virgin, too! He scowled. Dammit, he hadn’t thought of that. The cutie was his now, so he wouldn’t be taking anyone else, and some little bastard thought he could come in and ruin the moment?

He was dead.

Tacitus was sure his eyes were glowing blue and neon as he turned his head. Seeing who was in the room with them changed everything. Crap, there were three of them. That was a bit more than he’d expected; they must be exceptionally pissed at him recently. This was going to be unpleasant. It might even be deadly, but it was the unpleasant part before death that was really going to annoy him.

“You should have left, Tacitus,” one of the cute blond men hissed at him.

Tacitus sighed. They were all three of them cute and blond. Smaller than him by at least a head. He’d often wondered if their lack of stature hadn’t contributed to their nasty temperaments as they aged.

“I should have left? Have you seen my little cutie here? Leaving is not an option with an ass this fine. Honestly. You fuckers get crazier every year, you know that?”

“Watch your mouth, demonspawn.”

“Where’s the fun in that? Trust me, giving you shit is much more entertaining.”

All three of the young men snarled at the same time, their eyes glowing with muddy brown fire and their fangs slipping out noticeably over their lips.

Tacitus opened his mouth to insult them as they properly deserved when he heard a small, terrified whimper behind him. He turned his back on them to take care of precious.

“Hey, it’s all right, darlin’. Don’t worry, let me take care of all of this and you just sit back and rest. You were wonderful tonight; you deserve it.”

Puppy brown eyes stared at the creatures behind him and when they focused back on Tacitus’ face, they widened even more. “Wh-what are you? It was just a costume but…your eyes… Dear God, what are you?”

Tacitus blinked, rubbed at his eye a moment, and shrugged. “Sorry about that. They always glow when I’m pissed. I don’t like it when my sweetheart is frightened. Really cheeses me off, to be honest. Really, how inconsiderate is it to come in just when we were happy and cuddling? Rude beyond belief, right?”

“Rude? What- What are you talking about? You’re eyes are fucking glowing! What are you?” There was a little bite to his love’s voice as it growled at him in frustrated, angry fright and Tacitus smiled. Yup, a little feisty, just how he liked them.

“Sorry, did I forget to mention? Spawn of Satan, nice to meet you. And your name is?”   His precious gaped at him and didn’t say a word. Damn. “Uh, seriously, I could use some help here. What is your name?”

Adorable cheeks flushed an angry pink and one foot kicked out in his direction. He grunted as it caught him in the stomach.

“You…you don’t even remember my name? After everything you said, you- You-”

“I’m terrible with names.” Tacitus shrugged again in a practiced ‘what can you do’ kind of way. “It’s a curse. Doesn’t mean I don’t care, ‘cause trust me, that was about the most amazing time I’ve had in-“

“Shut up, Tacitus! You invaded our territory and now-“

“Hey! I’m talking to my little one here!” Tacitus glared once over his shoulder. He grinned inside as he saw three faces completely consumed with frustrated fury. If he was going to die, he’d get what he could from the situation.

“Your blood is going to paint these walls,” the smallest blond said in a guttural growl.

“Now that’s just tacky.” Tacitus tsked. “Red is entirely the wrong color to go with this carpet. Something in blue would look much better.” He stopped talking as the scent of sweat and fear swept over him from his little darling.

He turned and smiled at the pretty while he waved a dismissive hand behind him. “Eh, ignore them. Drama queen bitches to the core – don’t worry about them for a second, sweetie. Besides, you’re mine now. They can’t touch you.” He patted one of the hands holding onto the sheet with a death grip and grinned as he was kicked again.

So adorable!

One of the blondes spoke. “I wouldn’t make a promise like that if I were you.”

Tacitus stiffened and turned around fully to face them. “Say again?”

“Once you’re dead, he’s ours.”

“That’s bullshit. The little rabbits aren’t part of the fight and you know it. He has free passage now that he’s mine.”

“He can’t be harmed until you’re dead, that’s true. But we all know you won’t be alive much longer.”

Tacitus felt his own fangs lengthen considerably. “He’s allowed to leave and get sanctuary within the family, even if I’m dead.”

Rosebud lips smiled. “By tradition, maybe, but it’s not the law. And this one’s far too valuable to ignore a loophole like that. He’s going to be ours.”

His stomach growing cold, Tacitus stared at them. They looked completely serious. He glanced back at the terrified boy behind him and lowered his voice. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. This just got a whole lot nastier. You think you can run if I get you an opening?”

“I’ll get away from all of you!”

“Oh, now that hurts.” Tacitus made his eyes big and sorrowful. By the incredulous look on his darling’s face, he didn’t think it worked very well. Damn fangs, they always spoiled his best puppy-dog pouts. “And I should let you know – you really can’t get away from me now. I can find you anywhere, sweetheart. Taking that molestable little ass of yours pretty much made it mine.” Along with the completely unintentional biting, but he could at least pretend he’d planned it all. He didn’t mind the outcome, really, it just might come as a bit of a surprise to the family.

His nephew was really going to give him shit over it, come to think of it. Little prude had no sense of fun.

“If you don’t step away from the human right now, Tacitus, we might even forget the law and ‘accidentally’ slice up his pretty face a bit. There’s no one here but us.”

Tacitus whipped around so fast his hair was a blur behind him. He sprinted forward and had one blonde’s heart out and in his hand before they could react. “You do not fucking threaten what’s mine, you little blond weasel!”

Shock didn’t keep the other two frozen as long as Tacitus had hoped and he had to dodge frantically as they both attacked before their companion’s body fell to the floor. He tried to make his way to the far side of the room so his sweetheart would have the opportunity to get to the door, but these two were damn fast. They had to be as old as he was.

Fucking angel spawn always looked like pubescent boys whose hormones had stopped them at ‘jailbait.’ It was damn hard to tell how strong they were until he was already in the middle of the shit. Sweetheart was a pretty game little thing, though, he thought as he watched him discard the sheet and try to edge past the fight. Tacitus snarled and launched himself at one of the blondies as they got in his pretty’s way and they went rolling.   Occupied with dodging and keeping them away from the door, he got a good slice along his thigh that bled a hell of a lot more than he liked.

Pressed, he tried to take one in the throat and missed, almost getting himself eviscerated before he dodged and slammed into the wall. Shaking the plaster from his eyes as blood poured down his leg, he realized that his lover still hadn’t managed to leave and he started to feel a bit desperate. It couldn’t end here. Tacitus could live with his own death – wasn’t like he hadn’t had a good ride – but not his sweetheart’s. The boy was so young, full of life in an amazing, soul attracting way. He needed to live.

“You-“

“- BASTARDS!” The door shattered inward and another black haired young man burst in wearing a wolfman costume.

Marcus always did have good timing.

“There’s only two!” Tacitus yelled. Blondie #2 turned to face the new threat, but not fast enough to save his neck from being slit open by Tacitus' nephew. The tremors from his death gave Tacitus the opportunity to kill his own attacker with a quick punch into the chest as he crushed the bastard’s heart. The two bodies fell to the floor almost at the same time. Tacitus leaned back against the wall, bleeding and panting heavily, as Marcus came over and started to take a look at his leg.

“You all right, uncle?”

“Took your time getting here, didn’t you?”

He got slapped on the other leg and winced.

“If you need me right away, leave a better message. ‘I might need you. They’re coming to take me away, ha ha’ is not all that helpful!”

There was a scuff against the carpet and they both looked over at Tacitus' human. Nude body flushed a bright pink, the darling stopped in the middle of the floor, caught halfway to the door and freedom.

“You know, sweetheart, someone is going to try and jump that cute bunny body of yours if you don’t cover it up before you go out,” Tacitus commented. The lovely naked flesh flushed brighter and continued to edge towards the door.

“What is it with you and comparing them to bunnies?” Marcus muttered. “He’s twice as big as you are, you dolt.” He shook his head and stood, trying to look friendly. “It’s all right. Ignore my uncle here. He’s crazy as a rabid bear on crack. The rest of us are a hell of a lot more normal. Go ahead and put on your clothes; we’ve got some time now.”

“You’re not human,” the young man accused. With his red hair in wilted spikes down to his shoulders, his broad shoulders shaking with quivers, he made Tacitus want to go over and cuddle him some more. He was just…adorable. “I know that’s not a costume! I- I won’t let you just take me away, o-or suck my soul out, or… I’ll fight!”

Marcus glared at Tacitus. “What the hell have you been telling him?”

“Me? Why would I be the one…”

“Do I really have to go into detail?” Marcus turned away and faced the boy. “We won’t hurt you…”

“You’re the spawn of Satan! He said so!”

Marcus sighed. “Spawn of Satan? What a crock of… We’re from fallen angels, that’s all. It doesn’t mean we have designs on your soul…”

“Speak for yourself,” Tacitus interjected.

“Uncle…”

“Well technically, I suppose I could say I have designs on his body, but why bother? Soul really expressed the entirety of my desire for him and all the bunny cuteness that he embodies and –“

“I am not cute!” The young man stood, naked and flushed, his fists clenched as he glared at them with long lashed eyes.

Tacitus bit his lip to keep from saying anything, and then gave up. “Look at that! How utterly adorable can he be! I just want to-“

Marcus slapped Tacitus in the back of the head. “Shut up, Uncle.” Clearing his throat, he tried to talk to the terrified human.“ As I was...uh…saying. We’re not demons. We won’t keep you here against your will, but it really would be safer for you to leave. You’re not safe from the others around here. The blondes? There will be more of them; they’ll be able to find you and they’ll…they’ll hurt you, hon’. They are not nice folk.”

“Neither are you,” the boy muttered angrily, still staring at them. At least he’d stopped moving towards the door.

Tacitus smiled brightly at him. “Are you kidding? I’m the nicest guy I know. I bet I was the nicest guy you’ve known, too. In fact, I bet I’m the ‘first’ guy you’ve known.”

“Shut up, you!” His sweetheart’s cheeks flushed with rage.

“Uncle – “

“It’s a compliment. And besides, he has to get used to it sometime or other. We’re going to be spending an awful lot of time with each other.”

Marcus glanced at him sharply. “Are you trying to tell me that you bit him?”

“I couldn’t resist. I mean, look at him! He’s perfect.” He really was, Tacitus thought. Hot, sweet, feisty, and cute as a little cartoon forest critter.

And look how much he blushed! Tacitus really loved a good blush – such a turn on. He smiled. “And that sweet little body. I think I really need to visit it again.“ He sped over and wrapped his arm around the slim waist, leaning his head against the young man’s chest and looking up into his face. “See, just right! Perfect.”

“Let go! You don’t even know my- You're a bastard!”

Feeling hands trying to push him away, Tacitus simply kept smiling and held on. The little cutie wasn’t going to get rid of him unless he got a hell of a lot stronger all of a sudden.

“Details. We’re getting to know each other still,” Tacitus murmured, lowering his voice. He palmed one of the taut buns within reach and smiled again when the boy shivered. “And you know you’ll enjoy that.”

Sighing, Marcus leaned against the wall. “I need to get back to Nick, Uncle. Just introduce us and grab his clothes, all right? We should get out of here.”

Tacitus squirmed a little, looking over at a wall. “Well, that’s a little bit of a problem. You see, I can’t quite remember his name…”

“Uncle!”

A fist smacked him in the side of the head and he winced. His precious got awfully violent when he was more angry than afraid, didn’t he?

“It’s Tobias, you crazy idiot! Now let go!”

Tacitus stared up into his love’s face, scowling. “Tobias? What a terrible name. No wonder I forgot it. Don’t worry, we’ll find something that fits you much better. Bunny is a good name. It sounds awfully- Ow!” Tacitus let go of Tobias’ ass and rubbed the new bruise forming around his eye. He couldn’t help smiling at the furious face glaring down at him. It was like watching a baby duckling have a tantrum. “C’mon sweetie, stay with me? You know you want to…”

“I do not! I don’t like you at all! You’re not even human! Get your arm off me!”

“Well, at least he has good taste,” Marcus muttered, picking up Tobias’ small speedo to hand to the young man. With a shove, Tobias finally pushed away as Tacitus let him go. Little cutie really should put on his clothes – what little there was of them. Tacitus chuckled, watching as his love shoved his legs into his trunks so wildly they almost ripped.

As dressed as he could be, Tobias quivered as he stood staring at them both, obviously frightened and angry both and not sure what to do. “I- I’m leaving. And don’t you follow me! I- I’m going to a church! All night! You stay the hell away from me!”

Walking towards the door, he stopped at the open doorway, looking back nervously as though expecting an attack. With a sly smile, Tacitus tossed his hair over his shoulder as he had at the party, and he saw Tobias’ eyes dilate. The cutie swallowed convulsively before he shook himself.

“Stay. Away,” he ordered in a voice that cracked. Pointing one shaking finger at them, he shivered once and then turned and ran into the hallway. They could both hear him thundering down the stairway and out into the parking lot.

Marcus shook his head. “You’re an asshole, you know that? Poor kid’s going to take a lot of work before he forgives you. Really – you couldn’t remember his name?”

Tacitus shrugged. “You know I don’t do names. I only just got Nick’s and it’s been years now.”

“Idiot. And the two of you look ridiculous. You barely come up to his shoulder!”

“I like ‘em big like that. Makes them even cuter.”

With a sigh, Marcus slapped him on the back. “Come on, I’ve got bandages in the car. Let’s get you wrapped up so you can go after him.”

Tacitus grinned as they headed out of the room. “Just think how adorably confused he’s going to be when he finds out I can follow him into the church!”

“Just shut up, Uncle, and get him out of town. I don’t want to have to come save your butt again.”

“That’s just cold. Didn’t I come and get you and Nick when you were –“

“Then we’re even. Just leave a message on Vitus’ machine next time. He’s near enough now to give you a hand if you need it, and I’d really like to spend the night with Nick, if you don’t mind?”

Tacitus waved his hand. “Fine, fine, go enjoy your little rabbit. I’ll be fine.”

“Once we get the bleeding to stop.”

“Yes, of course. After that.” Tacitus looked across the parking lot as they started down the stairs, just able to see the backside of his cutie as it left the far end of the lot. It would take the little angel bastards a while to realize they’d lost some of their own, so his darling should be safe enough while he bandaged up. Then he’d get up and go after….

Damn.

“Marcus, what was my little one’s name again?” He just smiled as his nephew began to curse.

*****

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