Twisted Hilarity - yaoi fiction

Inspired by Little Sane from y-gallery. I was given three concepts and a quote to include in a story. Accidental First Date, Pests, and Ain't Seen Love Like That were the concepts. The quote was: 'Trust me, there is no such thing as a psychopathic, killer broom.' This slightly traditional seme/uke bit of fluff is the result.

His head arching back until his dark hair brushed the ground, Lordrian sighed as the tentative knocking continued. Under scowling eyebrows, his gray eyes slid to the heavy door. He growled under his breath and ignored it. The stuffed chair under his ass felt too good to leave. Leaning nearly horizontal, it would be far too much effort to get up and deal with whatever new problem was cropping up in his little corner of hell.

He’d only just finished stomping down another quarrel between two of his retainers last night – into this morning as well – and he was in no mood to struggle with anything else. He needed a few moments of peace. Time to relax until his muscles weren’t groaning from overuse. Time for a bit of quiet to plan his strategy for dealing with mother when she brought up the next candidate to marry and 'keep himself from a life of loneliness.’

Lordrian would much rather stay away from the rather feeble, fawning demons she seemed to favor and keep himself from a life of boredom. All he had to do was come up with some way-

He snarled as he heard another knock. “Come in! And this had best be good, K!”

With a creak, crimson and gold panels edged open and a chubby, blue-headed face peered in.

“Are you decent?”

“Not since the day I was spawned. What the hell has that to do with anything? Get your fat ass in here and get to the problem or get the hell out.”

“I didn’t want to interrupt anything like…last time.”

Lordrian smirked slightly, remembering the orgy he’d entertained that K had interrupted with a squeaking, embarrassed frenzy. He hadn’t done something that juvenile in years, but K still worried over it. “I’m alone.”

“Ah. Good. It would be for the best.” An unhappy, nervous smile followed the closing of the door. “I’m not sure if you want this knowledge making the rounds among the family.”

Now that had his interest peak enough to sit upright in his chair. “And that knowledge is?”

“Someone is summoning your minions.”

Lordrian let his head fall back again. He’d given K too much credit; he should have known nothing interesting would come from the little demon. “That’s nothing new. Some irritating little insect is always trying his hand at summoning.”

“If it were simply one or two, I wouldn’t bother you over it!“ Oh, and didn’t he sound pissy now? “I know your opinions on ignoring the small-time sorcerers. But this is more. I’m afraid someone’s found a Dark Volume on you, Lordrian.”

He sat all the way up, his bare feet hitting the black floor with a heavy thud as his body tensed like a live wire. “What’s happening?”

“In the past week, fifty-six of your minions have had an attempted summoning. There’s no power – strictly low level conjurers – but this many, this quickly, would seem to indicate…”

“Yes. I see what you mean.” Lordrian frowned at the floor, talking to himself. “Where the hell did they get one of those? I thought we’d taken care of the last one fifty years ago. Damn.”

He stood up and held out his hand for the list he was sure K already had on hand. Thorough, as always. The names of the lower demons under his protection, the times and dates they’d been unsuccessfully summoned, and with so many attempts, K had even managed to find the summoning point.

Walking past K, Lordrian began a list in his head of what he’d need to get to Earth this time of year. He had some young humans who were a bit too big for their britches to visit, terrorize them if not dismember them - depending on his mood - and a book to consign to the hottest level of hell.

Hovering in the air as smoke, hidden in the dark shadows among the rafters of the attic, Lordrian stared down at the little cretins who had been presumptuous enough to try and summon his people.   They were singularly unimpressive – blond, gawky teens with matching snub noses and freckles. If it weren’t for the different clothing, he’d have trouble telling them apart. They had to be brothers, if not triplets.

For the life of him, he couldn’t figure out how in the world they’d come into possession of the Dark Volume. He could see it opened carelessly on an empty crate of old baskets, but they were so obviously amateurs they shouldn’t even have been able to see the book without magical help, let alone use it.

If it weren’t such a liability, he’d be tempted to let the idiots exhaust the entire volume. They couldn’t summon his people unless they had the power to summon him, and they weren’t even close. Damn, why did ignorant fools like this always get involved in magic? As though his realm didn’t have enough of its own problems without wizards dragging over anyone without enough magic to protect themselves or their underlings.

Sometimes he felt like whining that damn saying he’d heard used on Earth: can’t we all just get along? Of course, that was when he wasn’t furious over someone else’s stupidity that had the potential to make trouble for himself and everyone he was responsible for. That damn book…   These morons couldn’t control it, but someone who might know its value, and be able to use it, could come along at any time and simply take it. They didn’t even have anything safeguarding it!

So he had to take even more time and deal with them. Looking at their pentagram, he would have laughed if he’d had lungs in his current form. Their geometry wasn’t any better than their magical ability – this had to be the first time he’d ever seen a five pointed star drawn inside an oval. They’d had to warp and twist the points to get them to touch the edges. The damn thing wouldn’t protect them from so much as a demonic gnat, if they even had the power to summon something that powerful.

Of course, that meant that the moment they tried to get another of his people, he could come in their place and there would be no constraints on him at all. Here he’d thought he might have to possess someone for long enough to scare the shit out of them, and instead he’d get to do it with his own two hands.

Sometimes, life really did give you lemonade.

They were lucky they hadn’t found a Dark Volume on his brother, or he’d have killed them outright. Lordrian didn’t tend to enjoy that unless someone really pissed him off. It didn’t give him any extra joy to feel their entrails catching on his claws or watch their eyeballs pop from their sockets as he squeezed their heads flat. Not that he hadn’t done it, when the occasion called for it, but this ...didn't. It was stupid, and these three deserved the fright of their lives, but not death. Not like that last son of a bitch who Lordrian had been forced to deal with. Piece of filth wizard, summoning demon toddlers to use in his perverted games – Lordrian had smiled as he’d sliced off the fucker’s dick and lit it on fire while the bastard watched.

These morons? Not even close to that level of evil.

Drifting lower, he listened to the three young men argue, waiting for them to begin the actual summoning. As long as he appeared within five minutes of the spell, he’d be in the window that would grant him the power to do what he wished. If the summoning was a botched one, that is, which this one so obviously was. Lordrian would retain his powers for the few days he could stay on this plane. Maybe he would even play a little after he was done with them.

It would keep mother off his back for a bit longer, at least.

“Why the hell are we even up here?”

Red-shirted, the speaker waved his arms around frenetically as he complained. His stomping left dust clouds in his wake to choke the already stifling air of the attic. They settled into his sandy-blond hair with no noticeable change in appearance, but the gloom they cast on the room provided more cover for Lordrian to sink even closer to the trio.

“Because we need someone for Shay.” Ignoring his brother, this boy was staring at the pages of the open Volume as coolly as the blue tank covering his scrawny frame. He’d be the one to watch.

“Then we should go to one of those escort agencies! The date’s supposed to be tonight, and we haven’t gotten this to work one, single time! Uncle Bob is obviously an idiot – this thing doesn’t have any value at all. We can’t keep trying this until we run out of time and Shay gets stood up, dammit. He’ll never agree to another date!”

“We’re not using an escort service. They won’t do what we want them to,” Blue said, muttering to himself as he turned a page in the Volume.

“But I thought escort services provided sex?” The third one finally spoke, looking confused. Somehow, Lordrian wasn’t too surprised to note that his orange t-shirt was on inside out. He certainly wasn’t going to be a problem.

Blue turned, sighing as though they’d gone over this too many times for it to be of any interest any more. “Illegal ones provide sex, yeah, but do you know any of them? I sure as hell don’t, and I don’t plan on going to prison just because I’m trying to get some prostitute to go out with my brother.”

No, you just want to dabble in demon summoning and get eaten. He thought of what they might taste like and grimaced. All things being equal, I’d rather have a steak.

“- and besides, do you know what kind of diseases men in that profession probably have? Do you want Shay to get sick?”

“No.” Orange sounded almost hurt. “You know I don’t wanna hurt him, John. But Josh is right – this isn’t working.”

“It’ll work.”

“Yeah, sure,” Red snapped. “Because Uncle Bob says this book is gold in the right hands, and www.summoning.com says that this spell will do the job? It’s insane!”

“It’s the only thing that’ll work. If Shay’s ever going to have sex the way he’s supposed to, we need a demon. Someone we know will do exactly what we say. Because Shay needs to top.”

Orange bit his lip. “Why is that? I mean, not that it’s a bad thing for bro to finally get laid, but does it really matter if Shay’s on top or bottom?”

Blue slammed the book close, losing his temper. “Jonas, I swear, I think you fell out of the dumbass tree when you were born. Of course it’s important. A man should stick his dick in something the first time he has sex! He shouldn’t be the one that… I mean, he shouldn’t have someone…” He fumbled to a stop and spastic Red took up the gauntlet.

“No brother of ours is gonna take it up the ass. He’s gonna do the taking.” Red and Blue nodded to each other, suddenly in perfect accord

Orange continued chewing his lip. “What if he doesn’t wanna?”

“We all agreed-“

“I know!” Well look at that, Orange had a temper too. “I know he’s gotta have sex. He’s so shy he’s never going to get this done, and he seems so damn lonely lately. But…why does he have to top? I don’t understand why we need a demon for that.”

Red reached down and grabbed a small frame next to the book. He shoved it in Orange’s face and Lordrian blew over to take a look. It was a photograph of a truly stunning woman. Golden hair was pulled back in a ponytail of curls at the nape of her neck, with luscious pink lips and deep blue eyes, set in a face that had a delicacy and sweetness rarely seen these days. A sensual, ripe innocent, Lordrian thought, and knew he was going to have to find her before he went back home. He was merely mist and he still felt like he was getting hard.

Maybe she’d broken this Shay’s heart and caused their little dilemma?

“Look at him, you moron! Who’s gonna let someone who looks like this top them unless we can order him to!”

Lordrian almost lost his form. The beautiful, precious thing was male? He looked at it again, noting the barely discernable Adam’s apple he’d missed before, and wanted to laugh again. This creature was their brother? Perfect! What a fantastic way to show these little brats the price of messing with the demon world. He would take this beautiful boy and ravage him so thoroughly he’d barely be able to walk. And then Lordrian would come back and let them know every indecent, carnal thing they’d done.

Which certainly wouldn’t involve their brother topping. Oh, this was so much better than simply scaring them. They’d never even think about magic again, let alone get near another book.

“Why do we have to be the ones to do this, though?” Orange asked, his confused, worried expression deepening. “It’s not like we’re the ones in the family with the power.”

“We’re the only ones who are willing to do what needs to be done.” Blue said, calm again and back to looking at the book, the photograph planted next to him as though to egg him on.

“But Shay’s the one who’s the wizard. Why can’t he do this himself?”

On the word ‘wizard,’ Lordrian floated back defensively before he could stop himself. Their brother was a wizard? Dammit. That was a complication he didn’t need. A real wizard, with actual power, could still do a nasty job on him, even with all his powers active. Maybe he really should just terrify these three the moment he took the summons, and be done with it.

Red smacked his slow brother in the back of the head. “He’d never do it himself and you know it! He’s an idiot about things like this, otherwise he wouldn’t be 19 and still a damn virgin!”

“But he’s the wizard-“

“Yeah, we know!” Red began pacing again, muttering to himself. “Coulda figured that out from the damn names, idiot.”

Orange frowned. Lordrian could tell he was off in his own world. Which he didn’t give a shit about, as he was worrying the wizard problem in his own head until he heard the words that were a demon miracle come to life.

“How many names does Shay have, anyway? I can never remember.”

“How the hell should I know? I never counted the damn things.” Red continued pacing and missed Blue’s start and incredulous stare.

“You two don’t know his names?”

“Of course not! He has a freaking ass-load of them. I remember Shay, what the hell else do I need to know?”

“He’s our brother. You should at least know his name.” Blue scowled at him and Red scowled back, stalking forward until they were nose to nose.

“Look, it’s not my fucking fault he’s a damned wizard and needs too many names for some reject demon to guess! If a demon isn’t supposed to be able to remember his names, how the hell is a human supposed to, genius?”

Blue scowled and shoved him back a step. “Because you’re his brother, and mom told you his names! The demons have to guess, you boob. Hell, she even made it easy to remember!”

“Bullshit. It’s impossible. You don’t remember them either, you’re just acting like a know-it-all ass just like you always do.”

Blue puffed up like a blowfish and Lordrian couldn’t believe his luck when he started spouting. “Shay George John Thomas James James John Andrew Martin William John James Zachary Millard Franklin James Abraham Andrew Ulysses Rutherford James Chester Grover Benjamin Grover William Theodore William Woodrow Warren Calvin Herbert Franklin Harry Dwight John Lyndon.”

Orange interjected quietly “Don’t forget Marshal.”

Blue sneered at him. “Not Marshall. She had him before she remarried. It’s Johnson. How can you two forget when it ends on Lyndon?”

They both looked at him blankly, although Red’s stare had an angry chagrin painting it over.

“His names? Lyndon Johnson? Come on! They’re so easy!”

“Yeah, if by easy you mean repeating the same names over again in random order. Damn, mom is so fucked up sometimes.”

“No, you moron. Christ. It’s Shay, and then the list of American Presidents. Starts with George Washington and ends with Lyndon Johnson. Shit.”

They stared at him, obviously reciting in their heads and unable to remember them all.

“You sure Zachary is the name of one of the presidents?” Orange asked doubtfully.

“Zachary Taylor, the twelfth president of the United States. Shit, no wonder the family didn’t want either of you near any conjuring. You’re total idiots.”

You’re not much better yourself, Lordrian thought giddily, otherwise you would have noticed your summoning ‘oval’ and better yet, me.

He couldn’t believe it. No matter how powerful the man was, Lordrian had that hot little wizard right where he wanted, now. He knew his name – his full name! Their brother couldn’t do a damn thing to him now! Lordrian could block the man’s magic every time, with his name in hand. The only way it could get any better were if the beauty tried to actually bind him with a ring. That sort of connection, when Lordrian knew his name? He would have total control of the man’s magic after that. Hell, he could take the pretty all the way down into hell with him for eternity, with that kind of power.

This was going to be a great day.

“Come on. We gotta get to this. I like the looks of Joordin. We’ll try him next.”

Lordrian celebrated internally while he watched them try the next summoning. They mispronounced one of the words, but he wasn’t in the mood to make them wait. He wanted to get to the good part already. With a quick poof and a rush, he popped into existence inside the butchered pentagram. Made himself a little smaller and slighter than he really was, with little red highlights in his hair – never hurt to play to their sense of superiority and stereotypes of demons.

“Joordin, at your service. What do you wish of me?” Like a demon would actually ever say that? They’d be more likely to curse and spit and threaten. But he didn’t think these three would know any different, and based on their shocked expression that anything had appeared because of them, he figured he was right.

“Uh…” Red and Orange looked at Blue nervously and he cleared his throat and started talking.

Lordrian was ready to tear out his own red-streaked hair by the time the human finally shut up. So many ridiculous orders.   They already had a date arranged with their brother Shay - Shay George John and so on, he amended, relishing the feel of power the knowledge gave him. He had to meet him at the Green Lotus in the lobby of the Constantine hotel on Broad Street tonight at 7 o’clock. Look good. Bring him flowers. Say whatever was necessary to make him feel secure, and comfortable, and special, and take him upstairs and let him shag the hell out of his demon ‘boy toy’ for the night.

Why they didn’t think sex and abandonment wouldn’t scar the pretty little wizard as much as no sex at all, he didn’t know, not that he really cared. He cared about the fact that they were so incompetent that they gave him a binding ring that matched one they’d already given to their brother as a gift. The wizard was, honestly, screwed in so many ways now it was delightful. Lordrian had yet to meet one of the magic users he thought was even worthy of dusting his shoes off – this was like a dream come true. Hmmm.   With the rings connecting him, maybe he should bring the boy down to hell to play with before he let him go, as a final slap to the wizard’s brothers. A punishment to the wizard for being in the wrong profession, and the brothers for trying his patience.

With a sigh, he saw them arguing again. Blurring his form with a shadow, he flitted over and snagged the dark volume just before he took his leave.   He popped off to let it burn in hell, briefly and without much fanfare, and then he called for K as he got back home.

“Yes?”

“Do you know where my tux is?”

“I believe your mother just had it pressed for the guests tonight.”

“You’ll have to apologize to her for me, K.”

“Sir?”

“Something unexpected has cropped up.”

“Sir?”

“Yes, it surprised me as well, but it looks like I already have a date for tonight.” Lordrian couldn’t help laughing at the look on K’s face, and then he closed the door on it and went to find his clothes to go and dress to impress his next sexual plaything.

Lordrian spotted Shay the moment he walked into the bar. The man was sitting up on a barstool, his feet tucked into one of the higher rungs. His hair was in a queue again, the curls fountaining down his back. Conservative clothing, he noted, nice gray slacks and white shirt. And he looked worried as hell, leaning away from the drunken ass coming onto him.

Feeling understandably pissed that someone thought they had the right to take the virginity of his toy, he went over and slung his arm around the asshole. Leaning over the startled man in a friendly fashion, Lordrian whispered into his ear.

“If you so much as touch this young man, I will rip out your entrails and tie them to the back end of a freeway bound truck.”

The man reared back, turning with his fists up until Lordrian let his eyes glow red, and then the pervert stumbled off his stool and ran away as quickly as his drunken legs could take him. Lordrian smiled at the relieved boy left behind and hopped up onto the stool next to him. It creaked under his weight and he wished for a moment he hadn’t decided to meet Shay in his normal form. It was a bit big. Dark, bad, and sexy as hell – but still a bit big.

At least he didn’t have horns to deal with like his sister. She always said they were a bitch to conceal when she came to earth.

After watching the man leave, Lordrian peered back at Shay’s surprised face and looked him up and down. The man flushed brightly. “Guess he had to use the restroom,” Lordrian commented slowly, licking his lips.

Shay smiled at him tentatively, swallowed, and turned back to his nearly empty drink as his cheeks stayed crimson. Lordrian got hard as he smelled the slight arousal that went with the blush. How lovely to know that his own form affected his future plaything so well. This was going to be SO easy.

“May I buy you another drink?”

Glancing at him with startled eyes, Shay flushed brighter and nodded. Lordrian got an Alabama slammer – always a good choice to get someone drunk without them realizing it – and chuckled as Shay took a sip and sighed in approval at the sweet, tangy flavor.

“Thanks,” he said, his voice soft. Lordrian’s cock twitched at the sound. “I was worried it would be too strong, but this is nice.”

Lordrian grinned, checking with his tongue first to make sure he didn’t let his fangs show. This was so fucking easy, he should be ashamed of himself. He waited for the man to say something else, or start with the flirting, but it never happened. Head ducked down, Shay simply licked at his drink in small, sexy sips, staring into his glass. Every once in a while he would peek over at Lordrian, catch him staring, and his cheeks would flame again before he buried himself in his drink.

“I’m Lordrian.” He couldn’t stand waiting for the other man to make the first move. His brothers hadn’t been wrong about the shyness, obviously.

Shay squeaked in surprise, nearly spilling the last half of his drink, and stared up at him. “O-oh.” His pale fingers rolled the small straw in his drink nervously as he smiled, a brief flash of small, straight teeth before he resumed drinking. He smelled aroused, though. And yet he still wasn’t saying a damn thing.

Lordrian couldn’t help staring. He didn’t think he’d ever met a wizard this shy. Those sons of bitches were always so damn arrogant, sneering at the demons they summoned, even though they only had the power to constrain them for a day or two. This man bore no resemblance to them at all. How could he be a wizard?

Keeping an eye out for some sign that would give him a clue about the man’s real nature, he watched as Shay worked his way through the drink until he was swaying slightly on the barstool.

As the straw started to slurp, Lordrian signaled the bartender to replace it with another and continued to watch. When Shay’s eyes took on a nice glaze, he finally tried again.

“I’m Lordrian.”

Shay turned to him again and smiled sweetly. And then he still blushed and began to turn away.

“I’m your date for tonight. Your brothers mentioned I was coming, didn’t they?” Those morons might have completely forgotten to say a word.

With a small hiccup, Shay swayed and barely caught himself before he started staring. “You?” His voice squeaked adorably. “B-but I thought it was…um…Joordin?”

Oh yes, the summoning name. “My last name. But you are welcome to call me Lordrian.”

Shay’s mouth fell open and he hiccupped loudly. He looked so startled by it that Lordrian thought he might fall off the stool. Another hiccup and Shay hid his face in his hands. Lordrian could just make out his mumbling.

“Oh god, I knew I was going to screw this up. God, this is - hiccup - I never should have done this.”

“It’s not so bad, is it?” Lordrian felt a bit sorry for him. All this drama, and they hadn’t even kissed yet.

“Yes, it is!” The man’s voice was muffled in his hands, along with one last hiccup, and Lordrian chuckled. He reached out to peel them away so he could see the boy’s face again. Shay hung on, refusing to let go, as though if he didn’t see Lordrian, it wouldn’t be so bad. Lordrian thought it was the cutest thing he’d seen in ages.

It was extremely difficult to hold on to his irritation at the three brothers when Shay was acting this damn precious. All he could think about was what he wanted to do to the man, but it had a hell of a lot more to do with silky skin and blue eyes than teaching someone a lesson.

He tried to move Shay’s hands again and the young man yanked them back over his face. Lordrian had to hold onto Shay's hips to keep him from toppling back over the barstool to the floor, and he couldn’t help chuckle again.

“I can hardly finish our date when I can’t even see your face, now can I?”

“I’m so, so sorry. This- this was a bad idea. I need to go home,” came the muffled reply.

“That sounds lovely. Why don’t I drive?”

Shay finally looked at him, dropping his hands to stare. He was still bright red, his eyes shadowed and tight as though expecting a blow. It stung Lordrian right in the chest. What - what the hell was this? Was it some kind of wizardry he didn’t know of yet? He recited the boy’s names in his head like a mantra, and the small pain wouldn’t go away.
Damn, what was going on?

“Th-that’s n-not funny.” How could the man sound drunk and cutely prim at the same time? “I’m sorry I’m not… I n-need to go home.”

“I’m not attempting to be funny.”

Shay bit his lip, almost glaring at him. “Y-you don’t even know me.”

“No, but what I’ve seen is very appealing. And I’d like to see more.” Lordrian leaned in close, catching Shay around the waist as the man leaned back and almost toppled over again. “A lot more.” Lordrian kissed him, tasting the fruity bitterness of the drink on his lips, and only pulled back as Shay practically collapsed against him, clutching at his shoulders.

He thought for a moment that maybe the little guy had passed out, but he was simply dazed, his pupils so big there was hardly any blue left to his eyes. His lips were dark and swollen, his cheeks even darker.

Lordrian hadn’t known someone could look that aroused without being naked first.

Where the hell had this little thing been hiding all his life? Shay shouldn’t even be allowed out in public if he was this easily seduced! Lordrian scowled as soon as he realized what he was thinking. This human wizard was not his concern, except for how tight his sexy little ass was and how penetrating said ass would horrify the bumbling trio. That’s what he should be concentrating on: pert, adorable ass. Looking at the sleek body hidden by clothing that Lordrian was going to rip off as soon as he got Shay somewhere private, he growled under his breath.

He didn’t even know why he was waiting for this. Lordrian could have carried Shay out of here already. No one would stop him, if they even noticed after he used the proper shadows for cover.

“Why don’t we move this to your place?” he asked, running his hand up Shay’s arm to his shoulder, curling it behind his neck. “There’s a lot more we could do with a little privacy, Shay.”

Wide blue eyes blinked at him. “Uh uh. Can’t go home.”

Well, that wasn’t acceptable. Lordrian wanted to do this in the wizard’s house and give that extra slap in the face to the brothers. And he was very curious what Shay’s place looked like, besides.

Not to mention that he didn’t want to be interrupted in a hotel if Shay started screaming in pleasure. “Don’t you trust me?” He stared into those eyes, rubbing pleasure points in the back of Shay’s neck and watching as the boy’s pants tented instantly. The little guy was so horny, it was hard to believe he was a virgin.

Wait, was he? Lordrian inhaled quickly and sighed as he reaffirmed it to himself. You couldn’t mistake that scent of purity.

“Trust you, jus’ can’t go home. Broom’ll get me.”

Lordrian tried to run that through his head until it made sense. He couldn’t manage it, but the adorably serious look on Shay’s face as he said it had Lordrian's pants a bit tight in the groin. “Excuse me?”

Shay shook his finger, staring blearily. “Broom’ll get me. It’ll get you too. Shouldn’t go home.”

“Broom will get me? And who, exactly, is ‘Broom’?” Some personal bully? Lordrian imagined his pretty Shay being beaten by some stranger and he growled so loudly that bartender looked over and found something to occupy himself with at the opposite end of the bar.

“Not who. Just broom. Y’know, kind you sweep with?” Shay nodded slowly, as though his words were sage wisdom.

“A broom will get you if you go home.”

“I think you’ve had enough to drink, dear.” There was drunk, and then there was drunk. He wanted Shay to be able to feel him when he was taken, and getting this drunk wouldn’t work with that at all.

Shay tugged at his arm, his eyes earnest. “No. No, I mean it. We can’t go there.” He looked around in what he must think was a stealthy manner but really just came off like a child denying he’d eaten the cookie while chocolate covered his face.

“I can do magic! Swear!” he said quickly, before Lordrian could pretend to be shocked and disbelieving. “And it’s a magic broom. A magic, psycho, killer broom.”

Lordrian chuckled and massaged the little one’s neck. “Sweetheart, trust me, there is no such thing as a psychopathic, killer broom."

“There is! It’s at my house! I didn’t mean to do it that way, but I wanted -, and then it happened and now I can’t go home! ‘C-cause it keeps trying to…” Shay flushed again as his rambling petered out and Lordrian was suddenly interested. What the hell was happening at Shay’s house?

“What does it do?”

“Uh…nothing.” Shay flushed brighter and Lordrian couldn’t help himself – he kissed him again. The man was too adorable. Shay’s eyes crossed as he tried to see where Lordrian’s lips had gone.

“You can tell me what it does,” Lordrian whispered, leaning in. Shay looked up at him and touched his own lips with his index finger. Bemused, he reached out and did the same to Lordrian’s.

“Your lips are really soft,” Shay said, staring at them.

“They’d love to taste you, too,” Lordrian said. “Just tell me where you live and maybe they can.”

“1200 North, apartment 25b,” Shay said absently, his voice as blurred as his eyes. “B-but…we can’t go there. The broom…”

“Of course not,” Lordrian murmured, helping the boy off the stool. He walked him out of the bar and around the corner of the hotel to a dimmer corridor. Hugging the boy to him, he wrapped his powers around himself and turned them both to shadows, streaming out the open door and across the two blocks it would take to get to Shay’s home.

Walking would take too hellishly long, and if anyone would know hellish, he would.

He changed them both back as soon as they stood in front of the door. Shay stared up at him, blinking furiously, and then looked at the door and did the same thing.

“Wha-what happened?” His voice positively squeaked in fright. And it was clear of alcohol, Lordrian noted. He’d heard that shadow shifting could take care of that, but he’d never tried it before.

“You passed out, dear. I carried you home.”

“Ohhhh.” That seemed to make more sense than having a demon change his very being and take them both home to fuck the little one silly. “But we can’t go in.”

Lordrian snorted and shoved open the door. He heard the lock break as he did so. Looking into the room, he smiled to himself. “It seems to be free of psycho brooms.”

Shay hid behind him, refusing to go into the apartment. His voice lowered to a hissing whisper. “It likes to jump out and get me.”

“I’ll save you.” Lordrian didn’t think he’d ever said those words before and actually meant them. But the boy was too cute for words.

“But it’s a killer!” Shay stared up at him, pulling at his arm. “It’ll attack you! I-the only reason I’m not dead is because I g-got an umbrella and hit it until it stopped and I got away! R-really!”

Lordrian’s heart did an odd little flip. Shay was worried about him. He didn’t even know Lordrian yet, and he was worried. Shay wasn’t like any wizard Lordrian had ever met. And the little cutie was getting to him. Lordrian hadn’t been this interested in someone in a long, long time.

It was an unpleasant surprise. This was supposed to be a simple ‘fuck him silly and leave’ plan. It shouldn’t make Lordrian’s guts churn whenever he thought about it.

“L-Lordrian, please listen! It’s-”

“I’ll be fine, dear.” Pulling gently to take Shay into the apartment, Lordrian crossed the threshold, keeping an eye out for magical traps – or brooms. He chuckled to himself at the thought. Shay stumbled behind him and face planted into Lordrian’s back. The house was absolutely sparkling, probably the cleanest thing Lordrian had ever seen.

They both stood there for a few minutes, Shay’s body trembling as his eyes scanned every corner of the apartment. Nothing moved. Nothing jumped out and attacked them, certainly not killer brooms. Shay began squirming oddly, his legs twisting together as he hopped from foot to foot.

“Um…I have to pee,” whispered Shay, his face flushed and miserable as he tried to tug his hand free. Letting go, Lordrian watched as his wizard headed towards a small room. The man startled periodically as he bumped into the couch and endtables along the way. He was still looking around constantly, probably for his ‘broom.’ Then as he reached the bathroom, he bumped into a wall and squeaked in fright. Lordrian was laughing into his hand by the time Shay finally closed the door behind him.

Waiting, Lordrian entertained himself imagining what he was going to do to Shay as soon as the young man came back out. It was taking an awfully long time. What was the boy doing in there? The toilet flushed just when he was getting ready to check if Shay had passed out from fright, and then he heard water gurgling into the sink. He was expecting to see the door open when Shay suddenly cried out, wailing in fright.

Lordrian charged the door.

He slammed into it, bouncing back as some kind of spell repelled him. With a snarl, he backed up and shoved himself forward with sharp shadow thrust ahead of him. It shattered the spell and he fell against the door. He could hear Shay’s high-pitched cries coming from inside and a blood-searing fury rose up so quickly he was sure his eyes glowed red. His nails grew sharp, and he finally slammed open the door with a crash.

Another demon – a short, fat, grotesque thing with horns and goat’s feet – was touching his Shay! Sitting down on the tub rim, it had Shay’s pants down around his ankles while it held the boy face down over his lap. And it was spanking him with the handle of an old broom. The little wizard’s bottom was already bright red with welts, and Lordrian roared as the bastard demon took that moment to rub the handle suggestively along the cleft between the little one’s legs while Shay cried and struggled to get away.

“You putrid, maggot-ridden dung-eater! Release him at once!”

The little bastard looked up at him, smirking. “No can do, big guy. He summoned the broom and me to ‘take care of things’ around the house.” The handle gave another suggestive slide along Shay’s backside. “If he’s in the house, I can ‘take care’ of him, too, and it’s all part of the job description. Get your own wizard to play with. This one’s mine.”

Lordrian leapt as the demon hit Shay in the ass again hard, the little one’s bottom jiggling while Shay yelled. He yanked the broom out of the bastard’s hands and broke it over his knee. Ignoring the painful sparks that flashed out while the broom and its spell were broken, Lordrian grabbed Shay around the waist and yanked him free.

“The spell's done. Get back to hell where you belong, you pervert.”

The pudgy demon glared at him as he started to fade, the spells magic already dying with the death of the broom.

Lordrian grinned ferally. “And then you had better hide, because I’m coming to pay you a visit when I get back.”

He felt a vicious satisfaction at seeing the demon’s eyes go wide in surprise, and fear, just before he disappeared completely. Turning his attention back to Shay, Lordrian sat down on the same bathtub and pulled Shay over his lap. He wouldn’t let the little one up, ignoring his renewed yells, until he examined the wizard’s bottom thoroughly. The red welts were already beginning to bruise in a couple places; that fucker had really been hurting him. Lordrian smoothed his hand over the man’s smooth backside for a minute, wishing his magic were any good at healing. He finally let him up as Shay’s squirming made him aware of just how naked the man really was. It had Lordrian's cock pushing against his pants right next to Shay’s body, not that he thought the little one noticed. Shay was nearly incoherent as he was finally allowed to stand, yanking up his pants with the reddest face Lordrian had ever seen.

“You’re going to be bruised tomorrow, dear.” Lordrian couldn’t believe how much the thought bothered him. He couldn’t believe he’d just been so furious at another demon, and over a wizard. But…this was his wizard. He wasn’t done with him yet. He wasn’t sure when he was ever going to be done with him.

Shay sniffled and wouldn’t look at him. “I t-told you there was a killer broom! I told you! A-and, you shouldn’t have grabbed it! You could have been k-killed. You can’t just go breaking a spell like that!” The teary blue eyes that looked over at him got him right in the chest again.

Satan’s balls but Shay was adorable, even red faced and weepy.

“A demon with a broom is different than a killer broom, Shay,” he finally said, clearing his throat. Shay looked so wounded, and his little bottom was probably incredibly sore. That poor bottom, so soft and bruised. Sweet and sloped and curved and… luscious. He swallowed heavily, trying to keep down the lust at the thought of kissing every last bit of it better.

Shay sniffled again, rubbing at his backside. “Huh?”

“I said, a demon with-“

“I-I heard you.” Shay gulped as he actually interrupted and he ducked his head again when Lordrian looked at him. His fists clenched against his thighs. “I just…what’s that got to do with my broom?”

“What’s that got to do with…?” Lordrian’s mouth wouldn’t close for a moment. “Your broom? What’s a demon have to do with your broom?”

Shay nodded.

Shay’s demeanor, his shyness, his utter lack of the callousness Lordrian usually associated with an adult wizard, suddenly came together inside Lordrian’s head. “Shay, what the hell do you think just happened?”

“The broom attacked me *sniffle* and you *sniffle* came in and broke it.” Shay was looking at him like he’d lost his mind, and with what he was considering, he just might have.

It wasn’t possible, was it?

“Dear, have you ever seen a demon?”

Shay shook his head, his hands fiddling with the fastening to his pants. Lordrian’s chest ached again at the sad little gesture.

“Ever heard one?”

His voice came out as a whisper. “I’m not a very good wizard. I don’t think I can summon them.”

Son of a bitch, the boy was demon-blind! A demon-blind wizard – he was lucky he hadn’t already killed himself! The thought of how many close calls there had probably been, what could have been done to Shay, enraged him. “What the hell are you doing, casting spells if you can’t –“

Shay backed up a step, obviously frightened, and Lordrian swallowed the rest of his words. Of course. They wouldn’t know. Everyone probably thought Shay was simply incompetent. He didn’t think wizards usually performed their spells in front of others – too much likelihood that they’d be betrayed and tossed to their own demon. All this time and the little one had likely summoned all sorts of demons and never even known it.

Shay was lucky the damn broom-wielding demon hadn’t raped him.

Lordrian pursed his lips. Fuck, if it hadn’t been for Shay’s brothers and their stupidity over the binding rings, Shay wouldn’t even have been able to see Lordrian.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to- I’m sorry. You could have been hurt.” Shay stared up at him, keeping the bathroom between them now, looking miserable and red and worried. Lordrian let the stupid, emotional dart poking him in the chest slip all the way through. The man was so- so-

So hard to fucking resist, is what he was. Dammit, how could a mere hour change things like this? A few sweet words and shy glances shouldn’t affect him! Lordrian had a plan: fuck the boy, leave, and taunt Shay's brothers with it.

Why didn’t that appeal anymore?

He grumbled to himself, pushing his hand through his hair. This was unreal.

Shay’s big blue eyes blinked once, a stray tear falling off his dark lashes, and Lordrian groaned. He couldn’t do it. Fucking damn, but he couldn’t do it. And as badly as he wanted to feel that precious ass around his cock, he couldn’t believe he wasn’t going to do it.

“It’s all right. It’s not your fault, dear.” He stepped over and gathered the man into his arms, his entire body reacting to the soft body and sweet smell of him. Shay barely even struggled before he let himself be cuddled. “It’s done now. I’m not angry at you over it.”

Shay mumbled something inaudible, his face buried against Lordrian’s chest.

“Hmmm? I couldn’t understand you.”

Shay pulled his head back and stared up at him. “T-told you there was a killer broom.”

Lordrian chuckled and leaned down to kiss him. “I suppose I should have listened to you.” He licked Shay’s lips, dipping between them, panting heavily by the time he let them go. “You are very, very sweet, dear.”

And as sweet as he was, Lordrian couldn’t do this yet. But soon. He’d just told off another demon over this human; he wasn’t letting him go now. They had the binding rings; with that, Shay could even come down to meet the family eventually.

After Lordrian gave him a bit of mother’s remedy for demon-blindness. Although what she was going to say when he introduced her to a wizard was something he didn’t want to think about just yet.

He kissed Shay again, sitting down on the edge of the tub and holding the man on his lap. With small nips and teasing licks across Shay’s skin, he moved his way down to the man’s neck. And then he cleared his throat. There were a few things they might need to talk about.

“So, dear, how would you like to learn a little more about demons?”

*****

Email a comment: Twisted@TwistedHilarity.com
To Report Technical Difficulties: webmaster@TwistedHilarity.com